I hate you.
I want to tell you that you’ve hurt me and remind you of how much you’ve hurt me. I imagine that I’ll get frustrated and cry, and before I know it I am enveloped in you.
We kiss, but it’s messy. I’m clawing at the buttons on your shirt because all I want is to feel your skin. I’m pinned against your kitchen wall, and your hand has found its way under my dress. My head is buried in your neck. I can’t even bear to look at you.
I can feel your smile when a moan escapes my lips as you press your fingers against my clit. You know that for a second I will falter and relax into it. My hand is tightening around your forearm, and just as I begin to get comfortable you spin me to face the wall.
I arch my back, and raise myself onto my toes. I know that when you fuck me like this I won’t be able to contain anything for very long. I know that you know this too, as you lift my dress. We are too fucking good at this to back down now.
I stay still. I’m so full of energy that I’m almost too scared to move. You return with lube, which you generously spread across my cunt as you pull my underwear to one side. I hear a condom wrapper open, and then my knees almost buckle at the familiar stretch of your cock filling me. You always do this slowly, almost daring me to move against you, with silent threat of punishment if I did. But I’m not your fucking good little girl anymore.
It’s neither slow nor gentle after that. We give each other little chance to think about anything else. I brace myself against the wall, and I never once turn to look at you. Even after you orgasm, and in the final, evil twist of the knife I don’t. I usually do. I wanted to. But you don’t deserve all of me anymore
I rearrange my underwear and dress and leave.
I want to fuck you like I hate you. But, I know I never could.
I love you.
If you enjoyed this piece, or any others created for Smutathon 2019 please consider donating to our fundraiser for National Network of Abortion Funds. Each $10 donation enters you into a raffle.
See all of the Smutathon 2019 work here.
Find out more about our Raffle, including the fantastic prizes and how to enter here.
Learn more about the work of the National Network for Abortion Funds here.