Easily Orgasmic: Learning about Fulfilling Sex Beyond Climax
Easily orgasmic. I used to think there was something wrong with me.
I saw articles, blogs, whole books dedicated to the well known fact that a vaginal orgasm was elusive and damn near impossible. I heard stories of women faking them because they couldn’t have one. I met fundamentalist Christians who said they were even and therefore it was good that they were rare.
And yet…a strong breeze in the right skirt could damn near have me trembling. I could just day dream about a delicious sex scene and cream my panties.
I went through my teens and early adulthood thinking I had never had an orgasm. I couldn’t have. They were too difficult to obtain so whatever I was feeling when I masturbated or fooled around with a partner could not possibly be me cumming…right?
I talked to my boyfriend (who would later become my husband) as we cleaned up from mutually masturbating in his truck. I told him that I worried about how easy it was for me to cum. My words were mumbly because I didn’t want him to feel bad. Making a girl orgasm was supposed to be a badge of honor for a guy, right? He shrugged and said that he didn’t think it really matter. “What’s important is that you feel good, right?”
He was right but I still wasn’t sure what was going on.
It wasn’t until I met one of my girlfriends who was a sex worker and piercing artist. She knew a lot about anatomy and was more than happy to chat about my vagina after having some kinky sex. I explained my concerns and was glad she didn’t laugh at me. She was the opposite. It was very difficult for her to have a vaginal orgasm but easy to have an orgasm in other ways. Laying it out, she assured me that I needed to think of it all from the perspective that we are all different. What gets us off, how, and how we feel about it will be different from person to person.
She was also one of the first people I met that understood that an orgasm isn’t necessarily the end all be all of sex. In fact, she was one of only two lovers I’ve ever had that understood that just because I have an orgasm doesn’t mean that sex was fulfilling.
Just because I have an orgasm DOES NOT mean that sex was fulfilling.
I explain it this way. I can cum on my own. Being with a partner, for me, is way more than getting off. Its connection, play, and kink. Even if the sex is casual, it still meets those needs I have beyond climax.
Once I understood this, that sex was more than orgasm, I not only was able to voice my needs better and have better sex, I was also better able to listen to and seek out the needs of my sexual partners.
I wish someone had told me about sex, orgasms, and other needs being met sooner but, it is what it is. I’m glad I know now and am able to pass it on to others who might need to know.